didactic freeze

Standard

The program I’m in is 3.5 years.

2 years of didactic (lots of lectures,reading, writing and experiential)

then 1.5 , or so of clinical – real – experience treating patients.

At this point, I’m realizing that time is actually flying. I’ve been having a secret struggle with the commitment aspect of this, which sometimes snowballs into procrastination. But the fact is- I’m almost half way done and the “worst” is almost over! I’m looking forward to not having papers and assigned books, long class days and random other requirements looming over my head. Even though I’m good at putting it under my head, or to the side of my head- whatever. The thing I keep having to tell myself is- I’m doing it! Legitimately, handing in papers, passing tests, etc. Which brings me to now…

I’m frozen. With 4-5 months left of didactic there’s a boatload of work I have to complete, studying to be retained… and it’s all about time management. On top of that my school is going through lots of changes (pivotal moments), I work/have class 5-7 days a week (my job is awesome, as are classes for the most part) and I’m also going to help out with the new marketing campaign for my school (we’re even changing the name!). These are mere requirements… there’s plenty of other home “projects” and entrepreneurial type things I can’t help but be enticed by. And I consider my time for socialness/fun a form of therapy therefore it’s  a need, not a want. However, I’m focused, I’m committed.

Things are falling to the wayside…as are people. Some of which, parting from is for the best…

Some of them are my old(er) friends and family. I’m really not so good at the business of keeping in touch. Other than with the people who immediately effect my life, mostly. We’re all busy, I get that…and am really glad I’m not alone!  But seriously…seriously there’s no point other than I’m thinking about everyone I love on a daily basis whether its conscious or not. Perhaps this change in friendship dynamic is natural when people grow up into adults but I’m not completely comfortable with it. Just saying.

About being frozen… I see the things I need to do, constantly, like fixed images in my frame. But there’s something safe about this space in time… I find a sanctuary in the immobility of progress, being under my control. As much as I have fear of this commitment… I must really just love it. When I let go of the concept of having this direction set in stone before me and just go with it,then I flow merrily with the knowledge that I’m on the right course. There’s no place to be but here, doing this. Nobody is holding it against me, so why do I hold it against myself sometimes?

This is a reality check-in of my progress.

A wish to be unfrozen for the months before me,

cuz I gots a lots of good stuff ahead…

“Don’t fear the long road, cuz on the long road you got a long time to sing a simple song” – Michael Franti

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